I knew I liked that other Sarah over at My San Francisco Budget Wedding, but she cemented my admiration for her when she posted this bit of loveliness over the weekend. Anne forever!
http://mysanfranciscobudgetwedding.wordpress.com/2010/09/25/the-one-when-anne-says-yes/
No marble halls for me, either. 🙂
I’ve been a bad blogger lately. I hate these posts, where people apologize for neglecting the blog and explain how busy and crazy life has been lately, and promise they’re going to be better in the future. I probably will, too. But I’m annoying myself. Just wanted to register here that I’m not done with this blog, that I’m not done planning, but I haven’t had much urge to document things lately. Most of what is being accomplished right now doesn’t “show” very well, and I’m realizing that when I actually chose things and have plans, I want to keep them close so my wedding will be fresh and lovely and a surprise for my guests. I’m trying to practice avoiding the overshare.
Also, I’m more avoiding all the pretty wedding blogs at the moment because I’m trying to crystallize my own vision, along with my groom’s vision, for our wedding. All the other images kind of cloud things for me.
So, soon I’ll be back with more thoughtfulness and things to document, I’m sure.
A bouquet of newly sharpened pencils
by Cathe Holden of Just Something I Made
It reminded me of that line in YOU’VE GOT MAIL, where Tom Hank’s character says to Meg Ryan’s character (in an email, of course), “Don’t you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address. On the other hand, this not knowing has its charms.”
And then I stumbled across this artist, Dalton Ghetti, in a post at Urban Bride
carved from a pencil. Really!
See more about him and more amazing photos at Kid Robot.
Anyway, I hope you all get to have that feeling of possibility that comes with freshly sharpened pencils this fall. I know I’ve got it coming with all the wedding planning that’s unfolding these days!
I read a statistic somewhere that most women do the majority of their wedding planning at work. I’m not going to lie — I’m doing some planning at work. But I think I’m being responsible and fair to my employer.
I’m not a crazy wedding-planner girl yet, not calling all the vendors to make sure they know every last detail of my wishes (I’ve sat next to that girl), and I’m not NOT doing my job (I’ve met her, too), but I’ll admit I take frequent “breaks” to look at twitter or check that favorite blog or search for more ideas about what the heck kind of dress I want to wear, or research that crazy favor idea I had. But work is so important, and I’m dedicated to getting it done. Just so you know.
But the honest truth is I spend more time than I should scouring the internet for wedding stuff. And I’m trying to take care it doesn’t get out of control. Brides, how do you keep balance in your work/planning lives?
It’s a gorgeous day, the sun is shining, August has come in with cooler temperatures, and we’re lounging on the couch, catching up on the dvr, sipping homemade iced coffee, and enjoying the quiet morning. I’m so glad we have a lifetime of this ahead of us.
kicking up our feet!
I recently asked both of my parents (married for nearly thirty-five years!) to gather some memories for me — I wrote to each of them:
“I would really love it if you would write me a letter about your wedding, about all the things you remember loving, the details that meant most to you, and the things that made you crazy about the day. Can you tell me about the ceremony? What were your vows? Whatever you think is memorable to share, I’d love to hear about. I’ve also asked Mom (or Dad) to do the same thing for me, and I’d really love to hear from each of you from your unique perspectives. Will you do this for me? Love, Sarah”
They both are more than happy to write to me about that day in 1976, but they both asked for a few days to reflect. I love that about them — so thoughtful. But what made me cry today was what my Dad said in his first response to the request:
“I need to give some serious thought to your questions regarding the wedding of Carol and Alan. Of course, the first thing I must say is that your mother was the best thing, the most beautiful: what I loved most about our wedding.”
Already, that tells me exactly what I need to know. That Sweets and I need to be celebrating the beauty of our love, first and foremost. The day means nothing more than our love for each other.
My parents were fresh out of college when they were married, nearly ten years younger than Sweets and I will be when we take our vows, so I have ideas that we are in a different place than they were in many ways, but I’m feeling like I need the perspective that they have today on their wedding celebration in order to even begin to plan mine. They’ve inspired me every day and I need them even more now. Love to them both.
Chelsea Clinton is getting married this weekend, did you hear? (That’s mostly a joke. If you’re reading my wedding blog, I’m sure you’re reading a lot of wedding blogs, and people can’t stop talking about it!)
There’s been a lot of hullabaloo about where and how and who will be there, and one of the side stories is about the “other bride” who is also getting married that weekend in Rhinebeck, New York, the town where Chelsea’s wedding will likely be. See here: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/will-chelsea-clintons-wedding-ruin-mine-a-bridal-nightmare-2077400/. A lot of people are sympathetic to Miss Haddad-Friedman’s plight — the fear that perhaps the Clinton wedding will ruin her day.
The thing that occurs to me, however, is that nothing will ruin her day. There may be a few hitches and headaches leading up to the moment, but it’s still the day she’ll marry the man she loves. She’ll still have that moment when she says her vows and her man says them back to her, and they’ll remember it forever, and have amazing stories to tell. I hope she’ll soon stop thinking of the day as “hell,” and be able to enjoy.
Perhaps easier said than done, but it’s what I hope for her, for me, and for all brides. Enjoy the wedding! Congratulations! Now you’re married and you have a whole lifetime of days for other people to ruin!
The Snow Man
WALLACE STEVENS
One must have a mind of winter
To regard the frost and the boughs
Of the pine-trees crusted with snow;And have been cold a long time
To behold the junipers shagged with ice,
The spruces rough in the distant glitterOf the January sun; and not to think
Of any misery in the sound of the wind,
In the sound of a few leaves,Which is the sound of the land
Full of the same wind
That is blowing in the same bare placeFor the listener, who listens in the snow,
And, nothing himself, beholds
Nothing that is not there and the nothing that is.
I apologize in advance and warn away any reader who’s not interested in my melancholy thoughts. After all, this blog is primarily my space to gather my inspiration and ideas and, yes, serious thoughts about preparing for my wedding. I’m thrilled if it also is a place others are happy to visit and share and take away, but if you don’t need this post, it’s okay.
I just need to work out a little something about my frame of mind, now that I’ve spent a few months being engaged, a few weeks starting to plan a wedding. Something that the Sweets and I keep saying to each other is that the wedding isn’t the marriage, and what’s most important to us is that we have a good life together. We both only want to do this once, which I think is the truth of most people who commit to a partner and decide to get married. It’s for life. But the other side of that truth is that the one day is THE ONE DAY, and you don’t get to do it again.
So which is it? Don’t stress about all the details and just look forward to your lives together, or make sure you have the day that you both really want and that your families will remember? Will the memories of that great event and party last? Does that joy carry you through? And are the cracks that can be exposed in the peace of a relationship during the stress of the planning somehow smoothed by the balm of the emotionally rich and loving vows you take on the day?
I’m trying not to let my attitude be all about the bridal stuff, all about the hustle and bustle of planning and trying to make everyone else happy and proud and excited. And I’m trying to keep the relationship at the forefront of my mind, and make sure all my choices keep that first. But at moments, I really do just want a fabulous wedding to put a big shiny bow on all the things I’ve always thought I wanted, and for that day to spell out what the rest of my life will be like, because I’m not sure I want to have to decide what I want every day forever. I don’t like deciding. I want to just know.
I’ve got more thinking and deciding to do even now, though.
a flock of cardinals by SongandBranch
We’re still working on the big elements of wedding planning — finding the venue, you know — but I’ve started to form thoughts and ideas for the sweet little details that will make our wedding personal and offer sentimental notes to my family and friends. One of those elements involves the cunning little ceramic birds in the picture above. But first, the story:
My paternal grandmother was the much-loved and treasured center of my father’s family. Among her loves in life was a deep appreciation for nature, and cardinals were a favorite of hers. I remember her home was decorated with them — figurines, towels, dishes. She became ill with Parkinson’s when I was a teenager, and it claimed her life in the fall of 1997. When she passed, my aunts began to tell stories about seeing cardinals and knowing grandma was with them. I laughed at first, but then I started experiencing it myself. For example, a few years after she died, while I was still away at college, my parents called to tell me that my little brother, a serious high school multi-sport athlete, had been badly hurt in a football game. His knee was destroyed, he’d need surgery, he’d likely never play sports again. I was distraught, knowing what kind of pain he was in, and took a walk just off campus to a wooded area. I was crying, trying to pull myself together, when I heard a loud bird call. I looked up to my left and saw a flash of red in the bush near me. I thought of my aunts, of grandma, and was touched and comforted.
Many times in my life since then, during both joyful and painful moments, I’ve found myself in the company of a cardinal. In fact, on the morning after Sweets proposed, we were sitting together on the couch of our living room, windows open, calling friends and relatives with the happy news. After hanging up the phone at one point, I heard a familiar song outside. “Babe,” I said. “Listen. I think I hear a cardinal.” Sure enough, I looked outside at the tree in our back courtyard, and there he was. A bright red cardinal singing from the branches. I wept. Gosh, I’m even crying as I write this. And I just remembered that yesterday, the day I finalized the deal with SongandBranch, was my grandmother’s birthday. Cardinals did it again!
So, since my grandmother and other special loved ones (including my paternal grandfather and maternal grandmother) who have passed will not be with us as we celebrate our marriage, these small ceramic birds will be placed throughout the room. I hope that when my family sees them, they’ll know our loved ones are with us and celebrating, too.
I’m thrilled to have found SongandBranch, an Etsy seller, who is willing to make a dozen of these ceramic cardinals in a not-quite-so-mini size. I will be touched and comforted to see them nestled among flowers and in other places of honor at my wedding.
Weddingsweets: another girl planning a wedding. 